EP 1: How To Turn Your Pain Into Purpose

Welcome to the Mind Your Confidence podcast! In this groundbreaking first episode, our host, Jenny Gaither, reveals her transformative journey as she dives deep into some of her toughest moments. Instead of shying away from fear and doubt, she courageously faces them and learns how to turn pain into one of the most expansive, soul-connected purposes. 

Despite coming across multiple failures and unexpected twists in her path toward true healing, she perseveres in a powerful way, eventually resulting in global impact. This episode is sure to leave you both inspired and empowered by Jenny’s unique story – so buckle up for an unforgettable experience full of encouragement and resilience!

Journal Prompt:
"What is in the way, is the way."

1. What is blocking you, holding you back, and/or stifling your ability to operate at your fullest potential day-to-day? Distractions? Insecurities? Imposter syndrome? Doubt? Fear? Lack of motivation?  

Free write in your journal for as long as you can without stopping. Then reread what you wrote and circle what is in the way. Be sure you can label it!
 
2. What do you want to do with this information? What would it look like if you were to"face your shit" instead of running from it? What would overcoming this block look like? Can you envision your life without this (fill in the blank)? ... What does this life look and FEEL like? 

Transcript

Welcome, welcome. Welcome to the Mind Your Confidence podcast, a podcast designed to support, empower and educate on the wild and complicated journey of the Millennial woman. That's right baby. 


My name is Jenny Gaither, I am your host, compadre, and I'm a millennial woman and I am proud of it. Damn proud of it. My dream is to equip you with easy to process concepts and tools to nurture your confidence, vulnerability and bravery. The goal is to strengthen your inner trust, reconnect to your moral compass, and be courageous in your pursuit toward creating a life you love. And deserve. 

Are YOU ready? I am. Let's do it. 

Oh, man, y'all. Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man, it is the day. I'm shaking in my boots, as one would say. I’m so excited to be starting a podcast. It's not something I considered lightly. I thought about it for years... 

So much of what my purpose is, is helping others just by sharing what I've been through. In summary, storytelling - sharing our own life experiences - is the premise of this podcast. 

In addition, we are covering all different types of topics under self development, including building confidence, strengthening your bravery, developing discipline and focus, and getting out of your own way. The end goal is to be able to achieve your dreams in three categories: wellbeing, career, and relationships. 

I'm a huge believer that confidence is a secret power. A secret power everyone has access to. Once you learn how to activate it, and practice it daily, you are truly unstoppable and limitless. 

If you start changing one small thing when it comes to your own routine, or your mindset, the benefits of those changes will impact everything else in your life. You'll feel more confident at work, on dates, when having tough conversations or when you're in a situation where you might need to stand up for yourself. 

Confidence is something we can "sleep on" sometimes.  Part of that is it becomes this elusive, intangible thing people assume they don't have if they weren't born with it. And I'm telling you right now, confidence isn't something you're born with. Confidence is an emotion, just like all of your other emotions. It's an emotion that is very attainable to every single human being. 

As somebody who’s been through a lot. I had many pity parties. I got bogged down by the things that happened in my life (ie external circumstances). It got to the point where external circumstances and uncontrollable life events felt like they had power over me and my happiness. 

The more shit that went down, the more my mental health declined. And if we allow it to, we will be taken down very quickly by external circumstances. For example: the news, what's happening in the world, what someone says to us, what someone doesn't say to us. There are so many things we are interpreting, narrating and reframing in our mind all day, every day. And most of the time, the story we're telling ourselves isn’t true. The stories in our mind actually are never true. 

I'll explain that later. 

Secondly, our internal narrative is commonly self punishing and hurtful. And if we aren’t criticizing ourselves, then we are most likely criticizing and blaming others. It's so much easier to blame other people than it is to take responsibility. 

But here's the problem. When we don't take responsibility and we don't take initiative, or accountability for our life. We have zero power. And then we ARE at the hands of the things that happen to us. And let me tell you, as someone who did that (played victim) for a very long time. Life only gets worse. You feel out of control. You feel helpless and hopeless. You lose faith in yourself. 

The more you focus on negative thoughts and the more you produce them and believe them, the quicker they are to come around, stick around. They're imprinted in your brain and then you start believing them as factual, and that is where the real problem is. 

So, this podcast is all about giving you the power. 

I'm not here to be a preacher. This isn't a sermon, This isn't a one- size-fits-all to self development. I'm NOT on a pedestal or podium. I’m just like you, I'm in the work, always, I'm always learning. And what works for me might not work for you. So what I really hope to do is to empower you to be available, to be open minded, to hear everything that's offered from me and my guests. Then for you to decide what makes sense for you and what feels best for you.  

Maybe you take some of the information and you apply it to your life. Maybe you don't. But I think it is very powerful to remain in the seat of authority in your life. What I struggle with, sometimes when it comes to coaching - btw I'm a life coach, I'm a confidence and mindset coach. What happens sometimes is people become too reliant on others for advice, guidance, affirmations, and external validation. 

What I dream of for you is because what I dream of for me, is you become your wisest friend and your most trusted ally. You become the person who knows exactly what it is that you need. And if you are unclear, you know you'll find your way. But you're not outsourcing constantly to find what's going to make you happy or in alignment or wherever you're trying to do.  

Because of social media, and because we're on our phones all the time, it's so easy to assume we're doing it (#life) wrong, because other people are doing it differently. And let me tell you, you might have a moment where you assume my life is better than yours, or more put together than yours. And I'm here to tell you over and over again, it's not. Just because I have a microphone and decided to be the host of this podcast does *not* mean my life is "more together" and it doesn't mean that I have all the answers. It just means, I really care, I'm really passionate about it, and I love helping people. 

I want to be of service to you. But more importantly, I want to empower you to be of service to yourself. If we all just take responsibility and accountability for ourselves. It's going to empower everyone to do the same for themselves. We all need to learn to stay in our lane. I think that is one of the biggest distractions and one of the easiest ways to deflect and not do the work on yourself is to focus on trying to fix others.

When we get too codependent and too ingrained in other people's lives, that's where we lose ourselves. 

This podcast is all about coming home to you. It's about coming home to yourself. A reminder, bi-weekly, these episodes are 30 ish minutes long, that will drop on Tuesdays every other week... Because I'm new here. And this is a lot of work and hard. So I'm going to start slow because usually I'm an all or nothing personality. But I've learned from the past. Look at me being a mature adult; taking it slow. 

I have a huge passion for making an impact in the world. I found my place in the world when I was seven. When my parents put me in a dance class I will never forget. I truly remember this day at seven, how powerful I felt in my body, how confident I felt, and how sure I felt of my capabilities. I knew that I would be able to make an impact in the world through movement. My story really started there. It started as a competitive dancer - **insert So You Think You Can Dance jingle**. 

I went to the University of Illinois where I studied dance. And then my big dream of moving to New York City post-college is what I pursued. After I graduated from U of I, I loaded up a 17-foot U Haul van with my best friend Kimmy and I drove us to New York City. I moved to Bushwick, which in 2009 y'all, wasn't as trendy as it is now. I still loved it; best years of my life. But five of my best friends moved to Bushwick, Brooklyn, and had no idea what the future held because all we knew was that being an artist and being a dancer was going to be hard.

My big secret at this time was I struggled with body image issues. I was anorexic and then I was bulimic. I really believed at one point I was never going to be able to control it. I had such dark thoughts. I was in a really, really bad place when I moved to New York and decided to quit dancing because it was no longer my happy place and I just felt like I needed a break. 

So I started working behind the desk at SoulCycle (an indoor cycling studio). They had one studio on the Upper West Side at this time in 2009. I tried a class, I applied to work there the next day, I auditioned, and I got into the first-ever SoulCycle instructor training program a month later. It was one of those times in my life where you're like, "This seems really cool.... I'm just gonna like to do this for a second.... While I figure out what I'm really going to do with my life." You know?! 

I had never cycled in my life. Next thing I knew, I was leading the fitness industry with the brand that revolutionized boutique fitness. It was the hottest time in the fitness industry that I know of, in my lifetime, around 2009-2012. As one of the youngest instructors, I had impostor syndrome like crazy. I still had body image issues. 

I would show up to class and I would teach class and in a sweatshirt and I'd wear my hair down. Part of me knew I was worthy of being on the podium and leading the class, I knew that I was meant to lead. However, another part of me, the wounded part of me, was still present. 

I was carrying two versions of me at once, the one who wanted to move forward and the other who didn't know how to shed so much shame, so much insecurity, and self doubt. So what I decided to do was face my shit. 

This episode is all about facing our shit to experience and witness miracles. I'm going to explain further. There is a reason I'm sharing all of this, and I'm going to get to the point, but just follow me. All right? 

I was so insecure in my body that I decided to host a challenge at SoulCycle. It was a special ride where I played all Rihanna, I dressed like Rihanna, and I have a dog named Ri. So that just goes to show you how much I love Queen Rihanna. I host a class that is all about just wearing a sports bra, obviously pants also, but wearing a sports bra as a symbol to shed the shame around our bodies.  

I set the challenge because I didn't think I could do it. I really didn't. So I go to the class, I teach the class. And,.... I didn't do it. I didn't take my jacket off. I was wearing a pleather jacket because I was dressed like Rihanna, and I didn't take the jacket off. So the challenge of wearing a sports bra to empower myself, I failed. UGH.

I was very disappointed in myself. And this is what I love about "failure". I learned something. And what I learned is, this insecurity of mine, my insecurity around my body, was so much bigger than I had ever imagined. And now it was like GAME ON. Game on. I'm like, alright, let's go. So I decided to host another challenge at the end of the summer in 2011. 

This time I rallied a lot of people around coming to the class, wearing a sports bra, celebrating their bodies exactly as they are, shedding the shame around their bodies, and just saying “fuck it”, I don't care. Like, why does it matter what I look like?!?!? 

The serendipitous timing of this challenge, which was just a 45 minute class at SoulCycle, is two women from NBC's The Biggest Loser, Hannah and Olivia. Their sisters, they were on the show, and they had just gotten off the show. Olivia won that season... I forget which season it was. They had been riding in my classes and were like, "We love the idea of this challenge. It's so perfect for us. We've lost 100 pounds (or more each) and now we're really ready to just love and accept our bodies and to just own it and to feel really proud." 

I've had that moment, I'm sure you've had that moment, where you don't feel like yourself. It's a very bizarre feeling. 

Long story long this challenge became a Facebook national event where we encouraged people all over the country, all over the world, to participate on the day of the class I taught at SoulCycle by doing their own version of the challenge - by wearing a sports bra or shorts or a tank top or whatever for them felt challenging. Whatever pushed their comfort zone. We encouraged them to wear something that was a little more revealing to shed the shame around their bodies while working out. 

Then, the event became massive. It just blew up. People all over the country sent messages about how empowering it was. It was so moving. It was so special. I was 23 years old at this time, I had no idea where I was going in my life. I thought dance was.... it. So I hadn't thought about anything else. And now my life was moving in such a different direction, which was very exciting, but also scary. I didn't know what I was doing. 

Soon after I became a LuluLemon Ambassador of the Union Square, New York City store. Which was also such a good feeling because I had applied to Lululemon and I didn't get the job. This was right before I had found SoulCycle. This moment is a great example of a rejection ("a no") that can lead you to a more aligned "Yes". So the store I had applied to work for, I didn't get in. But then I became their Ambassador. It was just really cool. 

After writing goals with Lululemon, because that's part of their curriculum as an Ambassador, I realized I wanted to start a nonprofit. I was 23-years-old. I didn't have any experience in nonprofits. I didn't have any business education. I didn't have any experience, I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew what I wanted. And I wanted to start a nonprofit that impacted girls and women by helping them build self-worth and confidence in their bodies through movement. So I decided to do it. 

I created Movemeant Foundation, it's spelled ME, A, NT. So move-meant - there's an A in there. It changed my life. We've built so many different types of impact channels. But in summary, we've given hundreds of 1000s of dollars to underserved communities to ensure girls are moving. Because for me, movement, community, endorphins; saved my life. After speaking to so many women, girls, and friends about it, that's a very common thing. People rely on their fitness to get through. It's a mental release. It's an escape, it helps relieve stress, it helps you reset. You get the point. 

We took my challenge that I did in the studio, and we turned it into a large-scale charity fitness festival called Dare to Bare. We hosted Dare to Bare in major cities from Nashville to New York, to San Francisco multiple times a year for over five years. So we did this event a lot. And it just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger. It always held it in a public space. For example, in the middle of Union Square Park in New York City. We offered all different types of fitness and all different types of wellness. And we raised millions of dollars to be able to give girls and women the opportunity to move. 

I was so fortunate and feel so lucky and privileged that I was able to take dance classes as a kid. As I mentioned, dance saved my life. I don't know how I would've made it without it. It's my dream to ensure every kid has their own outlet. And that they have mentors, coaches, and people in their corner. So if they need extra coaching, equipment, and funds to be a part of a traveling team - whatever it may be - Movemeant Foundation funds these kid's physical, mental, and emotional wellness.

Building Movemeant has been the most fulfilling role I've ever played in my life. And it was never a plan. It all came from me facing my shit. 

I ran Movemeant full-time with my team and taught at SoulCycle full-time in New York for four years when SoulCycle asked me to open the Bay Area market in San Francisco. What's up, Bay Area?!!?! I'm from Santa Cruz, California, so I'll take any excuse to play Too Short. *attempts to sing the chorus of Blow The Whistle while whistling*. I can't whistle, it's pathetic, Jenny. 

I moved to San Francisco and brought my organization with me for five years. Then I decided to move back to New York... I know, I know, I just love moving across the country as many times as I can to spend as much money as I can on moving. It's really great. It's really great. I moved across the country five times, that's a little insane. But that's okay?

Once I was back in New York, I realized I was ready to pivot. I was certified through Brooke Castillo's The Life Coach School. Once I started coaching and building my current business which is called Brave Babe, I decided to work toward leaving SoulCycle to be my own boss. It was the craziest bet I've ever made in my life. And the biggest bet I've ever made in my life. Y'all, it was 2021, in the middle of the pandemic, I quit my 11 year career with really nice health insurance and a 401 K. I left it all behind to bet on myself. 

If you've been listening so far, and you find me very annoying because my life sounds "too perfect", I'm giving you the very high level, shortened version of my life. I will definitely share the harder, more challenging stuff later. But I'm just trying to explain how I got to creating this podcast and how we got here. I'm skipping over a ton of stuff. I don't want you to think I'm able to take massive leaps and everything works out smoothly and perfectly for me. No, there has been a lot of hardship and a lot of failure, and a lot of intense anxiety about *not* knowing if things would work out. 

After I left SoulCycle in August of last year (2021), I finally went on vacation. My best friend Morgie and I had a trip planned to Tulum in early 2020 so we had to reschedule our trip three times because of COVID. It's now December 2021, and we're finally going to Tulum. So we get on a plane, have one full day in Tulum, then guess what happens..???? 

I get COVID. And I get it bad. 

I do everything I can to be as healthy as possible, however I do have asthma. I was vaccinated and had a booster, but I ended up getting COVID and I got it really bad. I couldn't leave Mexico because you have to have a negative test to get out of the country. It was the scariest time of my life. And I was a "Long Hauler" basically up until this month. 

I'm currently single. And this was the first time that I've ever felt the fear of being single because I thought I was going to die in my sleep. I could not breathe. I couldn't walk around the block. This was definitely one of the hardest times of my life, if not the hardest. 

From January until May, I basically never left home. My friends would come to visit and I just did breathing exercise after breathing exercise. I worked just to be able to pay my medical bills but it was insanely challenging. I had insane migraines, I couldn't sleep because I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was underground, like buried alive. I went to the hospital because I thought I was having a heart attack. I've had every freaking test under the sun. I had crazy rashes and brain fog.

I don't know how I got through it. I really don't. My mental health was declining so quickly that I decided I needed to leave New York. I had extreme PTSD and in New York you feel like you're on top of people so it made my PTSD worse. I just wanted space. I wanted fresh air. I wanted sunshine. So I decided to move back to California. 

California is home. Like I've said, I was raised in California. I've always felt like I would move back to California at some point which is why I’m clarifying why I moved, again. I get that question all of the time. I lived in San Francisco for five years, so I didn't want to go back there. I didn't want to move home to Santa Cruz. Los Angeles felt too congested. And so I decided to move to San Diego, which is where I live now. 

Moving when you're deathly sick,... I don't recommend it. Don't recommend it. When I got to San Diego it was the fresh air and the space and the car that I needed. I could not ride the subway; it freaked me out. But I didn't have the energy to put myself out there and be social. I was barely  getting by. I've never had this much anxiety, depression, or overwhelm than I had over the past 8-10 months (2021). 

Financially, I was in a really tough position. Thankfully, I had saved a good chunk of money in my high yield savings account because that's what I was told to do. But money was running out. I wasn't working in the way that I thought I would be working. It wasn't “the dream” at all that I was picturing - leaving SoulCycle to be my own boss. It was hell on earth. Without me - my brain, my health - when it's a small business and not enough funds to hire; if I'm sick, who's going to work?!

I was working while sick which prolonged being sick. The amount of stress and pressure was unreal. And then, I got COVID AGAIN in June. 

I know, that's not a joke. I got COVID again. I got it at the same time as my best friend Morgan (Morgie), because she lives in San Diego as well. I mean, the poor thing had to be sick twice with me. That's why she's my best friend. We've been through it all. 

This is where I'm going to close on storytime. What I've learned from the past year while being extremely isolated from being sick, is the power of community. I've always thrived in community, and community has been the backbone of SoulCycle, Movement Foundation, and Brave Babe. I really, truly don't know what I would do without my people. 

My family and I have had a rocky relationship. We were estranged for six years. And we're working on our relationship now. But, my friends have always been my family. My community has always been my family. So once I started getting healthier and feeling better, all I wanted to do was to connect to YOU. This year is what led me to start Mind Your Confidence. 

I'm going to be calling it MYC. So if I say MYC, don't get confused. It's just an acronym. 

I wanted to create this podcast at a time in the world where I know a lot of people are struggling, I just feel like as a whole, we are emotionally depleted. To me, it feels really impossible to just bounce back, to try to be where I was. I started teaching at a local indoor cycling studio called Verve Studios in San Diego. If you're in San Diego, come take class and say Hi. I teach at the Del Mar studio. 

I had to retrain my body to move again. It was awful. I had to learn how to get into shape, but to not try to go back to what I was because I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t do what it used to. I had to really learn to accept my new normal. Which I think everyone can relate to.

This podcast, and this time in the world, is super unique. Things that we might have done in our past that worked for us might not work anymore. And if you're running into this, I empathize with you. And I relate. It's very frustrating to know when you did things a certain way you would get the result you wanted. But now you don't. 

It's very common for things to work for a while. But after a while, you gotta switch it up and let go in order to adopt a new way of being. Trusting a new process is very difficult. So that's why I wanted to do this.

We all need extra TLC right now. We all need love, we all need support, we all need community. 

I want you to feel like there's no rush to improve your life. There's no rush to get to an end goal. As a coach, a lot of people have this idea that I’m there to fix something or make it better. And that's not how I operate as a coach. And that's not what we're doing here. 

You will learn a lot within the MYC community, you will have more tools and resources than you had before on how to get to where you want to go, how to manage your mind, how to reframe your limiting thoughts, how to build confidence, how to act with bravery, and how to lean into vulnerability. You will have more tools and insight than you ever thought you could have to be successful. However, we are not here to fix you. No one here is broken. 

The point I was making at the beginning was about taking accountability and responsibility to change your life. And the work we do together on MYC is just another way of doing exactly that. We are not relying on external things, outcomes, results, tangible evidence to build the emotions we want to feel (joy, gratitude, abundance, safety). We’re gonna feel how we want to feel without needing to change our life, without expecting anything, and without waiting for anything. 

I love goals. However, sometimes we get so fixated on getting to a goal because we think we're going to like our life more, or we think we're going to like ourselves more. Then when we get there we're deeply disappointed. It's the biggest letdown of all time. My point is: Things don't change how you feel, your thoughts about your life do. So if you want to feel powerful, strong, enough, and confident. You don't need to change anything about your life. You need to change your mindset. 

And that's exactly what I'm going to teach you. Are you excited?!? I'm so excited. I'm smiling. 

Every episode, you're going to get actionable steps and journal prompts to hold you accountable to ensure you feel you have the resources to move forward. Sprinkled in all of this, I’ll be interviewing really talented, smart, successful, and inspiring people - some being my bestest friends in the whole world. I will offer live coaching. If you are interested, you can write in at www.jennygaither.com/contact - submit what you want to be coached and I'll coach you live here. 

If you're interested in joining our private Instagram group, it's @mindyourconfidence. It's a private account because I'll be offering special giveaways, insight, and guidance in that group. So make sure you follow @mindyourconfidence on Insta.If you want to have first access to episodes, make sure you subscribe to the email list on my website. 

So lastly, here is your activity (journal prompt): 

“What is in the way, is the way.” 

Let’s use my past insecurity of my body as an example. My insecurity was my roadblock because my insecurity was limiting me from living a life of confidence, abundance, bravery, and boldness. Once I faced my shit - my insecurities - I broke down my internal barriers then magic happened. 

1. What is in your way right now? What's holding you back? What's making you feel stifled or not yourself or stuck? And just see what comes out. Free write as long as you need to. 
2. Once you're able to circle what’s in your way - ie identify it. What do you want to do with that information? What would it look like to face it?
   • For me, it was wearing a sports bra because that was a big fear of mine. Setting that challenge felt like a step forward that was approachable and doable. Even if I didn’t succeed the first few times. 
   • So what would it look like for YOU to face some of the things that are getting in your way? Journal about this. 

When you’re finished, send me a DM @jennygaither to share what came up for you and what challenge you’ve set for yourself. This is the kind of stuff that gets me so freaking pumped up. 

Well. This was magical. Thank you so much for being here. You are a rockstar-unicorn-ninja warrior. I can't wait to chat with you next time. In the meantime though, don't be a stranger. Follow me @jennygaither and @mindyourconfidence. Let's get to know each other and build this community like WHOA.

Talk to you soon, friends.

Byeeeeeeee.

Host & Creator - Jenny Gaither 

Certified Confidence & Mindset Coach, Founder of Brave Babe & Movemeant Foundation, Podcast Host of Mind Your Confidence

Follow me: @jennygaither @mindyourconfidence @movemeant

www.jennygaither.com

For inquiries email: media@jennygaither.com